because daniel didnt go to church to be set apart, on sunday we had to grab the chance on wednesday before he actually started his position as an assistant den leader.
turns out ben, hadnt been set apart wither, so they both were set apart one right behind eachother.
setting part, for those who are not LDS/Mormon, is simply being given a special blessing for that particular calling (job). no set words are said, except the very beginning, where the authpority holding the preisthood, makes it know they do, in fact hopld the authority, and because they do, give that blessing to the individual recieving it.
so daniel was told he would receive revelation, knowledge, and insight for his calling as an assistant den leader. along with the ability to do it, do it well, and be an example to the boys hes held accountable for.
im excited for this calling for him, fo a few reasons sited in other blogs, but ill repete here as well.
one, its a step towards responsibility. nows the time to learn that.
second, it keeps him close to the church where i pray he draws some love for and desire to learn more about, as well as grows a testimony of God and Jesus Christ. it would be great if that also included an understanding and love for the Church as well, but well cross THAT bridge as we approach it. i can pray eventually he will, but right now giving him a reason to be a part of something in the church, will do for me.
When I went to
school in Idaho I loved a certain spot in the Rexburg temple in the
waiting area of the baptistry. Each time I went there I sat right
there–in that same spot– just because of a certain picture.
It was a painting of the Savior holding a
little black sheep, right beside the pew in the back. I would stare at
it and think about everything that it meant to me. Essentially, it
seemed that I was actually the one in the Savior’s arms in that picture.
The misfit.
And if you’re reading this and you’re a
misfit too–perfect. I’m glad there’s two of us. Or three. Or maybe even
more than that. Either way, it’s good to know I’m not alone in the
category of “Mormon misfits”. So welcome, friend.
How am I a misfit, you might ask? I simply
don’t fit the conventional mold of what an LDS woman should be like, or I
should say, what an LDS woman is often like.
I have a tattoo, to start. A
huge one, actually, on my ribcage. I wasn’t always a member, and I have
physical signs to show it–that also includes a scar on my bellybutton
from a past piercing.
I work long hours while my husband goes to school
and I have an “I want to be the CEO of every department” mentality
*Well, I’m just a writer and not a CEO, but you get the point*
I can’t have kids right now.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have the desire–it’s just the way my body
works because of an ailment that can only be fixed with expensive
treatments that we just can’t do right now. And it constantly hurts–like
a bruise that just won’t go away because it keeps getting poked at.
I can’t sew. Like, at all. I
can’t even hem a pair of pants. And during Relief Society craft nights
I’m pretty darn useless. And I haven’t canned even one jar of peaches in
my entire life.
I question pretty much everything.
I’m not saying I’m a doubter–ok, sometimes I am, and that’s a downfall.
But mainly what I’m saying is I’m the type of person who analyzes
everything and tries to figure out why things are the way they are. I
think that’s why I over-studied the history of the church and even went
on a week-long church history tour where I spent over an hour staring
out of the window that Joseph tumbled from. I just wanted to know and feel it for myself, not just hang on to the coattails of others.
I’ve never really fit in with Relief Society.
I try–but it’s hard for me sometimes. I love the women, I do, and this
isn’t me saying that I don’t. Actually, on the contrary–I find myself
being overly critical of myself because I wish I could be more like
them. They’re all so–perfect. At least in my mind, they are. They come
in with their line of cute children on sundays like a mother duck and
her ducklings, and they seem to know everyone and have time to make soup
for all the sick members and cook for the missionaries every Tuesday
night and do their visiting teaching every single month. Perfect Mormon
women, in my eyes.
Anyway, I could go on and on with my list of
how I’m so different–but I’m not going to turn this into a trilogy of
me. But if you’re a misfit I’m sure you have your own lengthy list and
together we could make a seven-book series.
But lately it’s been heavy on my mind–this whole black sheep thing. Because sometimes you just don’t want to be.
And just this last weekend when I forced
myself to go to the Relief Society broadcast (and even the food and
mingle get-together beforehand which is very un-Kayla of me) the nagging
feelings were very prominent.
I sat down at a table that on one half had
sister missionaries and on the other half had mothers. The sisters
chatted about investigators, school before their missions, and how tight
the waist bands on their skirts have gotten while out on their missions
and being fed all these good dinners. They’re cute girls–but I couldn’t
relate much. So I decided to tune into the women on the right side of
me. One woman chatted about how she could barely take a shower today
because of her colicky baby and one said she couldn’t either because of
the puddle of Elmer’s glue her son left on the carpet and another lady
busily talked about her last C-section and how she thinks she’ll be
induced in this next delivery. With my freshly washed hair and newly
painted nails and absolute absence of any glue-smearing child, I decided
I didn’t really fit in at the table.
But then the broadcast started. I chose a
pew where I didn’t really know anyone and to be honest…yeah, I started
watching it with a stink of an attitude. But that changed when Sister
Reeves (The 2nd counselor in the General Relief Society) started
talking.
Tears filled her eyes as she suddenly
pinpointed the sister she wanted to talk to, out there somewhere in the
world, who just doesn’t fit in to the cookie-cutter mold of an LDS woman
or family. I felt like everyone had stepped out of the chapel as she
spoke. She spoke about wounds you might carry that make you wonder where
God is, and the things in your life that separates you from the norm.
And then she told a beautiful story of the Provo tabernacle that was
gutted with flames earlier this year. After the horrific event, members
started questioning why the Lord allowed it to happen. But then, at the
General Conference following the fire, President Monson announced that
that gutted tabernacle would soon be revamped and dedicated as a new
temple of the Lord. People couldn’t believe it. Mouths dropped. But it
was true. And just like with us, she reminded, sometimes the Lord allows
the fire so as to make us into a beautiful temple.
And then President Monson spoke–and he too,
spoke to the misfit. Maybe not everyone caught that–but I sure did. He
spoke about how everyone is in a different situation. Everyone has
different journeys. Everyone is entirely different and sometimes takes a
walk through the thorns. But no one is alone, for the Savior has walked
the EXACT path you have, and continues to walk it, even now, WITH you.
With my face in my hands, I felt an
overwhelming feeling of love wash over me. In that moment, I felt the
arms of Heavenly Father literally wrap around my little misfit self and
remind me that I’m EXACTLY who I should be and that being a member of
the church doesn’t mean I’m supposed to carve myself into an ideal “LDS
woman” image. It means that I can be just as I am–scars, questions, lack
of sewing skills and all–and add to the rainbow of color that this
gospel stands for.
You don’t have to fit in.
We aren’t called
to be the same. Yes, we all follow the same straight and narrow path and
there are commandments we all need to abide by in the same way–but we
can still be different.
I’ve always known it, I guess, deep inside.
But often the culture makes you believe something that isn’t really even
there. There seems to be a phantom ideal image that lurks in the minds
of everyone and makes them believe they just don’t fit. But it isn’t
true. Don’t buy into that thinking.
After all, as a member of the Mormon church,
aren’t we really supposed to be misfits anyway? We’re supposed to think
a little differently and all see the world a little differently, all
the while on the same path toward salvation. I think sometimes we forget
that–and that’s why we expect so much from others and ourselves.
As President Monson so sweetly said, the Lord has a specific love for you. Unique, different, beautiful, misfit you.
So, fellow Mormon misfit, come along this journey with me, because we all belong here on this path.
Bring your dinners that you often burn to a
crisp, bring your lack of love for skirts, bring along your battle scars
and wear them as a badge of how far the Lord has brought you, and bring
questions and different perspectives that no one has acknowledged
before.
Come along this journey, black sheep, and find comfort in the arms of the Savior of the world–the original misfit himself.
it sure is comforting to know that others are also "ugly duckings" who may not feel exactly right in the family they were handed in, or grew up in, or have known, or moved too, or have...
its comforting to know that being different isnt so bad.
thids article confirms to me, all i have said, and will continue to say.
i am loved, i am blessed, and thats all that REALY matters, in the big eternal spectrum of the universe.
i am not perfect, i never will be. but i am loved regardless, of that/those imperfections.
in a measure thats beyond my comprehension.
no matter HOW i come to Him, i am, and will be, forever, eternally loved by a Heavenly Father that places an infinate worth on my soul.
im gonna copy this article, and hand it off to that sister missionary i spoke with at the conference in saturday.
i think shed like this as well, i also wrote her a letter, to keep. ill post that here later, after i give it to her.
both of these together, should be perfect for her heart and mind to sup on when needed.
im betting theres way more of us than we realize, while i have learned to embrace this "weirdness" i chose to have and show off, others find it difficult to do so. and i understand that, it hasnt always been easy for me either.
i dont cook, well, not well anyway.
i dont sew either, and i proved that at a reliefe society thing we recently had, where i was attmpting to sew a bag, simple right? not so for myself.
i sewed the bag shut, 3 different times. i dont know why i dont have the "gift", but i ..do not.
i also dont have a bunch of kids. mormons (along with catholics) are notorious for having broods of children. i, have 1 here on this earth, and one in heaven.
i never home schooled, and i did work when i was a single parent, i was divorced, all things that in the past, have been looked at as not what a "molly" mormon would, or should do.
but im not a molly. never was, and i never will be. simply because God didnt cut me, from that cloth that he cut so many of them from.
no, my fabric is rustic, and tattered, and worn, and most likely something that itches the eternal skin of some of those im around for great periods of time.
there used to be a time when i cried about the difference, and how far away from everyone i felt because i wasnt made from the same cloth as they all seem to be.
but then, i came to a place that said, my fabric, to God, is divine, and beutiful, and has the SAME VALUE as all the other cuts He has made. mine isnt any less loved.
maybe mines loved BECAUSE its a different cloth.
so, i embrace the odd me, the different me, the out-of-the-box me.
and once i started to aprciate me, all of a sudden i saw others who were allot like me, different, not as "molly" as i thought every other female was, some loud, some silly, some different to be different, some different because that just the way they feel, some dont cook, some have neve rhad kids, let alone been married, others have positions in my church id never want to have, because the responsibility of having that position carries allot of weight, and im not cut out for that kind of thing...others have a ton of kids, some have none..and the list of odd-ball mormons goes on.
i bet, inside, we ALL feel like misfits, and were so painfully aware of our own differences we THINK, were alone in a sea of a million other misfits, when we all are just a little strange.
weve been told were "peculiar people".
i say wear that with distinction!
dont be afraid.
allow that toi be a wonderful facet to who you are.
theres only ONE you...make that ONE stand out, and be noticed!
i wasnt a keynote speak, didnt really go for much more than a time to be with other women of the same faith, but to be even more real..it was a free dinner, lol
not gonna lie. im down for anything related to FOOD!! lol so i went for the free dinner. :) wasnt disapointed either.
we were all in the chapel to start and had a couple of speakers.
i was surprised to see President Bean there, im not sure why i was surprised, but i wasnt expecting him there, and he was.
hes a great guy. love him.
he knows my past and what brought me to oklahoma, and has watched me transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly, and i like to make him proud.
someday, maybe, ill talk about all of that history here, im not required to, and quite frankly wont make a difference in my right here right now moment. the only thing it has done, was to help make me better and more spiritual, was a LONG process to get there (well, long to me, anyway) but im on the road.
but my reason for loving Bean so much is the fact, that despite my past, which he knows way to well, he still loves me and DOES NOT JUDGE ME because of it. i wish allot more ppl could come to this place where we can know about someones past, or hold a grudge, or have a grievance because of them, and just..love them despite of it, and not judge them because of it.
wed be a much happier world if we all followed the dictates of Christ.
so, he spoke at the start of the conference, and someone else spoke...and then we were let free to go to whatever 3 of the 6 choices we wanted to go to to edify ourselves.
i was with a couple of sister from my congregation, and had started to go with them to a class, and had to stop to visit President Bellows, i see him almost every sunday, as he is the branch president for the Singles Ward (congregation) that also meets in out building.
so, i stopped to tell him hello, and spoke a few minutes, and went to the class my companions were in, and i got there a little late. and for whatever reason, wasnt scared or anything to go in, there was plenty of room, i just was inspired to go back to belllows class...
i am not sorry i did.
i learned a thing about bellows i didnt know..he had a pretty distant relationship with his parents, like i had with mine. ya know? id never have known that. i also didnt know he was basically less active till he was 22, reminded me of myself, in a lot of ways...
i was a bit sad to find out the bell rang, and it was time to change classes..
so i get up to leave, and my companions were coming in...so, i got a double dose of bellows and wasnt disapointed on my 2nd turn either, he talked some of the same stuff, but went a bit deeper about his past in the 2nd session. i appreciated his honesty.
and his whole thing was how women from the church came in and were comassionate, and nurturing when his arent split and basically went cold on the kids.
he was telling us ladies, that while we may not be able to hold the preisthood of the church, we have a whole different responsibility, that altho we may not realize it, resonates and impacts those around us.
and it was refreshing to hear a guy tell a group (actually 2 groups, well, 3 cause he had a whole 'nother class after my 2nd session with him) of ladies how he was so appreciative for the role God gave us to do.
that in HIS life, it mattered. and made a HUGE difference.
really enjoyed bellows classes.
so, bell rang again, and i went with my companions to the chapel to where we were edified about Discovering Self-Worth & Spirituality.
now this class was a class right up my alley! glad i was in it too.
for the 1st time in my history of being a member of the church i heard psychology infused with doctrine, and how we will take statements and make them truth about ourselves. and we learned how to take pointless statements we often make ourselves believe, and toss them, by using a system of checks against eachother.
is it TRUTH (with a capital "T") meaining an eternal truth? such as: i am a child of God, thats a statement that wont change, and cant be changed, its eternal. I am my mothers daughter. Thats also an eternal truth, shes always going to be my mom. i cant, or wont ever change that. so TRUTHS (eternal) are things that will never eve change.
then theres truths with a lowwer case "t" and these are truths as well, that become truths when set beside an eternal truth.
such as: Im going to Heaven. this statement while positive, isnt a conclusive statement. im not in control of my judgment, only what i do to be judged, we all have redemption, and will eatiehr be in paradise or prison. but i predicate which place i end up.
then theres the NOT TRUTHS. which are simply things that are not true. plain and simple.
example: Im dumb. while i lack allot in math and spelling, i am by far very intelligent.
My mom hates me. sometimes i feel like this is a true statement, and im having to learn to realize thats not the truth at all. she never hated me. she just didnt know how to love me. whole different thing all together.
i really got allot out of this class. and very pleased i got to be a part of it.
and then, the bell rang.
and..it was TIME TO EAT! not gonna lie, i was really looking forward to this part, lol
so we walk in the gym, and they had tables all set up and ready for us. preset tables with cute little silverware napkins.
and a salad ready to be eaten.
rolls were handed out as we were munching on our salads. sister holley brought her own beans and shared them with me, cause she doesnt eat meat. made my salad that much more filling, and delish!
main course was a chicken..something, i cant remember what it was called, but it was slit in the middle and had butter and herbs in there, and..it was good, i had sister holleys chicken too, and by the time dessert came, i was quite full..lol
but NONE of that compared to when the spirit hit me to talk to a sister missionary serving in our ward.
just out of the blue, her comapnion asked what she had done to her arm. i must be getting seriously old, because i didnt really notice anything, but she expalined she was poking herself with her fork.
which i thought was odd, since she and her companion and myself were talking about Christ. surely she wasnt doing that because she was bored...it had to be because of something else...
and i was inspired to say to her...she needed to find out the reason, get to the core of that reason why she felt like doing that action, which was in essence a way of outwardly expressing something deep inside her.
and i went on, and for the life of me cant recall much of what i said, other than i knew the chatter in her head that she was hearing wasnt true, it never really ever is when its negative.
i told her that every single day of my life i wake up and hear the phrases that have been so much a part of my upbringing, and i fight them every day..
"your dumb"
"your stupid"
"you dont mean anything to anyone"
"your worthless"
"unimportant"
"your nothing" and i can go on and on, and on...
but every day i wake up and i tell myself im awesome..not because i really am, but because thats what makes me be motivated towards being MORE than the chatter in my head.
and because i say it, i try to remind myself i am a divine being, came from another divine being (my Heavenly Father). because Hes a part of me, im part of Him, in return. in that, is magnificence!
and, all of a sudden, our sister missionary, was crying...and, so was i.
we were crying together at the same time, over, i believe the same kind of chatter that happens in our heads, and i told her she should NEVER feel worthless, because ppl like myself...look up to her, and aspire to be like her, because i never had the chance to go and do what shes doing.
i hope what i said made a difference.
she sent me a text to landline message on my home phone.
was thanking me for my moment with her.
and today (sunday im writing this) i sent them a text:
Hey, sisters remember we are made of divine material. We come from our Heavenly Father. We have within us the same Divine nature. The same divine rights and responsibilities. NO amount of Satans chatter in our minds will EVER change that. we are eect!
and a text back:
you are SO AWESOME! thats so much! we love you!
so, i go for food, and end up uplifiting another woman, to greater places.
cant go wrong for doing the right thing for someone else. :)
Imagine that every person on earth has been affected in some way by the
destructive spirit of contention, resentment, and revenge. the spirit of envy and hatred has led to some of the most tragic stories in history. Perhaps there are even times when we recognize this spirit in ourselves.
We are not perfect.
The people around us are not perfect.
People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger.
Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one.
This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon.
When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:
Stop it!
Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy
seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our
souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the
sins we have committed?
Forgiving ourselves and others is not easy. In fact, for most of us it
requires a major change in our attitude and way of thinking—even a
change of heart.
consider the following questions as a self-test:
Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?
Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?
Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?
Do you secretly envy another?
Do you wish to cause harm to someone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier:
stop it!
there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to
it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.
This “mighty change” of heart is exactly what the gospel of Jesus Christ is designed to bring about.
Let us be kind.
Let us forgive.
Let us talk peacefully with each other.
“Let us do good unto all men.”
allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed
and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our
capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.
Remember, in the end it is the The merciful who obtain mercy.
i have mentioned (i believe) in this blog, that i have a goal, this year ill attend the temple one a month.
all month of february i thought about going, and down to the last wire, i got the chance to go.
i was visit teaching a sister im assigned to, and she mentioned she and her husband were going the next day (last day of the month) for one session.
i asked if i could come along.
they agreed.
so, for thr 1st time, even more so for my sealing, which i found odd, i was actually excited to get there..
i had an inner excitement happening, and a thrill to actually be in the temple, and part of a session.
id never felt that before. and it was a breath of fresh air, to have happen within myself.
i did one session, say next to the sister i visit teach, felt awkward at time, as shse assisted me, shes younger and im oldr, and im supposed to do things for her, or at least i should be, but i havnt been going as much as she has so she knows more, and i still feel like a noobie when im in there.
i have been going to keep God to his promise of temple attendance, he has a few romises, but one that run out to me in a talk given by our steak president, was that if we go to the temple, our families will have a testimony, and be church attenders.
last time i went, the next day, daniel had a plan to get back in our good graces and have the opportun ity to go out to eat with us was to go to church, and attend ALL HIS CLASSES...
he decided that, on his own.
so, i go do the temple stuff this time, and im there for my son, and myself, because i had been dealing with a huge mess on facebook, because i admin a group, and some things were thrown around and said about me, and i had a choie to react in anger, or react with peace and let it all die down, i chose the latter, but that didnt change the way i felt personally about those words and that atack on me...so i felt going to the temple, would be the thing i needed. and i was ready!
so, i went. did the session, and we went back to my car, and i drove home.
that was a friday.
and it was all planned out that daniel was to recieve a calling at church.
and we got snowed in, and church was cancelled, and daniel seemed literally, upset about the fact.
i see the smallest changes in him, not that anything bad, cause it isnt, progress often is slow. we dont get to the top of a mountian in one fell leap, we climb it, and we do it slowly, making sure each step we take is secure, and has a grounded foundation.
im guessing hes exercizing some small amount of faith, which is really all you need to do to build faith up...
so this is another blog about the testimony that i have that temple attendance works to get your family back on track in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
one small step..thats all it takes, yo TRY faith out, you have to be willing to take the risk...
if you never try, you never know, and in trying you might find out, that the result is better than you expected.
